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hey :) the name is amalina but im cool with mali.
or whatever nice.
im pretty laid-back.
im never serious.
haha well yea so get annoyed.
im a kid at heart, maybe a hippie too.
talk to me.
get to know me.
only then you can judge me.
January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011

Sep 29, 2010

remember when we used to get high together?
when we would laughed at every single thing nevertheless how unfunny they were? when we thought that we were the few coolest crowd left on this earth when the truth is, we were lamer than the lamest?
remember when we used to spent hours on ym playing tic-tac-toe and you would let me win every single game?
remember how we used to be on the phone from midnight till morning, telling each other everything sweet and nice?
remember when you used to look me in the eyes and gave me your dorkiest smile ever and i looked back at you and told you "i love you".
and and
remember when it was so easy for me to say those three words simply because i only had one reason to do so.
remember when you used to be my everything?

i often ask myself,
have i really got over you? if so, why did i, for a little while, still care about you, in the sense that, i got jealous for every flirty comments you get on your myspace, i still asked you whether youve eaten or not, and i'd get concerned over your unhealthy choice of food.
but, after a while too,
can i ask you the same?
have you forgotten me already? because it seems like you have and believe me,
im happy knowing that youve moved on. but, what saddens me is,
your breaking your promises that you made to me. over and over, and over again.

when we first met, you told me that i was special.
but you made a confession that your love for me was not as conclusive.
when we had our first problem, you told me that you wont do it again.
but you lied to me.
when you dumped me, you told me that it was you, not me.
but you changed your story and blamed me for not being there for you.
when we have broken up, you told me that i could always have you because we would be the best of friends in the world.
but your girlfriend hates me and just like that,
i lost you again.

i very much want to tell you,
that all i ever did was loving you. nothing more, nothing less.
you're still a part of me- i had you when i first knew what love really is. i grow with you by my side.
how could you left just like that and for years, what you did has haunted me.
you wouldnt know all these, would you?
because to you,
im nothing but just another one of your girls who you apparently loved a little more than the others.
and you must have thought that i really am okay with everything just because im all smiles and with this brave suit on, im invincible.

dear you, the person who still have my heart,
im weak and you make me even weaker. you were the one who actually never there for every time i needed you, and you still are.
im not mad. ive got no reason to be mad at you.
what more could i do when your feeling for me was gone, right?
but why did you come back and made the same mistake again?
the truth is, at least to me,
you are a heartless person.
i dont care if your feeling for me now is super real. that just wont cut the fact that you have someone right now and youre pretty much cheating on her by telling me all these now.

youre still the same. and im sorry for that.


Sep 24, 2010
rants and rambles

i dont get guys most of the time.
they think theyre so great when theyre not. you know what ticks me the most?
when they did something and they make it seems like it was your fault.
"im sorry you dont understand the situation we're in",
"i'm sorry i cant be the perfect man that youre looking for",
"im sorry your trust for me has long gone"
ultimate fucker, right?
why cant they just admit that they are at fault, in a direct manner?
"im sorry for what i did has made you feel blablabla"
i guess, that's why communication is the key to a successful happy relationship. but not everyone is able to communicate well.
we say words, but we often dont mean each of them.
we hear others, but we rarely listen.
frustrating kan.

Sep 21, 2010

when the night wont fall
and the sun wont rise.
as you see the best,
when you close your eyes.

i pass.

all these tacky surprises,
are no longer amusing.

for all the times that
i thought i was strong enough,
that i would have stood still,
that i should have held my head high.

i pass.

for the utmost time,
i pass.

the worst defeat ever.


Sep 1, 2010

heyy :) i havent really been writing about what's up (so far) with, well, everything.
i told you that my second year has started, didnt i? it kicks off pretty fast, too. final is in a two-month time and
inshallah, i think im doing alright so far.
my whole life, ive been a student. and to be honest, i never find that to be exciting at all. haha go figure.
not that im unmotivated or anything like that but,
if i could take a pick of what i very much want to do aqui y ahora,
hitting the book, going to college, attending classes, writing term papers, are not even in the amidst of my wants.
i want to travel the world. wont it be fun if you could just wake up in the morning and grab all your stuff then go back-packing all around europe?
of course it would.
pero la vida no es facil.
i find it funny almost all the time.
to see them students (including myself) studying our asses off and getting worried about midterms and eventually ends up being overly stressed.
do all these really worth it?
the life itself, i mean.
as much as i strive hard to become a good student,
i despise the idea of today's method(s) of seeking knowledge.
get out and explore.
get out and fail.
get out and make it work.
now that's the life that's worth living.
ive always thought,
if 70 years old is the average life's expectancy of us asians,
picture this.
the first 25 years of our life are filled with pressures of striving and struggling.
good grades, graduates 1st in your class, med school acceptance, love triangles,
nasty rumors, catfights, stage competitions, etc.
and then, the next 30 years with the so-called career.
it'd be great if things really work out the way we plan them to be but again,
where's the fun in that.
i always remind myself, be spontaneous. because constance is a bore.
and of course, the strive and struggle to impress will continue on.
retirement. sounds like a relief, right?
but have we really done much in our lives?

this is just something that i think of over and over.
haha well,
it's nice to have plans.
but life needs surprises.
and they can be nice ones or unpleasant ones.
be prepared, because those surprises are our real teachers.

till then,

two years

eyes closed.
deep breath.
scents of the morning midst.
slowly breath out.

how divine.

eyes closed.
deep breath.
listen to the wind,
and hear the wave as it hits the shore.
slowly open the eyes.

how beautiful.

eyes closed.
deep breath.
a very deep breath.
feel the strong breeze as it touches the face,
taste the salty-sandy sensation as you run freely.
just keep going
and dont turn back.
on top of your lungs.

how heavenly.

if you ever fall,
chin up
walk straight
chest out
and never lose the smile
atta girl.

how serene.

san sebastian, 09012007.

much love,