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hey :) the name is amalina but im cool with mali.
or whatever nice.
im pretty laid-back.
im never serious.
haha well yea so get annoyed.
im a kid at heart, maybe a hippie too.
talk to me.
get to know me.
only then you can judge me.
:)
roar!
yesterdays
January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011

Jan 31, 2010
:')

have any of you ever listened to the song 'hey there delilah'?
im still moved by the lyrics. the melody is beautiful, too.
it used to be the song that i played over and over again on the ipod, computer, car...
the reminiscence of memories and memories and memories



but, ive found a cooler version! :)



:)
and this one kills haha



i have to admit,
every now and then i do wish for the time to be turned back but things that happened, they sure have reasons that might seem relevant enough (either we can see them now or later), right?

i went through the most difficult, saddest, yet the sweetest break up ever. because at that time, we were old enough to know that to love somebody elses would be hard. that the next relationship would be less meaningfull. that the promise 'we will be good friends. the best of friends' would never happened because we could never be anything less than what we were.

believe it or not,
time heals all the wounds and cuts.
and time shapes and time tells.

i thank you for every single thing that happened between us for it has taught me unaccountable lessons.

there is no such thing as the perfect relationship, the perfect couple, the perfect guy, etc.
but we can love perfectly.

:) the feeling that i had for you was unconditional, i must say. i loved you and i will always love you. not as a friend, and not as a lover. i just love you.

and i used to tell myself that i will never be able to fall in love with another guy. haha but of course, i was wrong.

hey mr presumptious :)
you make it easy.
thank you.

euro2008 final
063008
3am-ish

"amalina abdullah, i love you!!! i cant believe this. i love you! omg spain just scored. we won! our team won! amalina, i love you!!!"

spread the love.

xo

Jan 26, 2010
i need to get out

because too much of staying in is making me numb and lifeless haha. to some extend, yea.
i miss the smell of the fresh cut grass.
i miss the painful drill for everytime we got game(s).
i miss the running, the chasing, the yelling, the kicking, the passing, the furious goalie at the other end.
i miss playing for fun.
i miss the sport.
i miss soccer.
with my current health condition, i dont think im fit enough to play. oh well. theres always virtual soccer haha.
anyhoo, some time after lunch today, i received a phone call.

"hello?"

"hello, amalina abdullah?"

"yea?"

"hi, amalina. im greg xxx from xxx university. i would like to inform you that our panel has arrived in kuala lumpur yesterday. so im calling you for the meet up tomorrow."

"oh, welcome to kl, greg. i hope the weather is treating you well *haha* may i know what time am i scheduled for?"

"its pretty warm and sunny but kl is very interesting *haha* i especially love the hospitality *haha* (duh... its your embassy ppl who youre with of course you love it) say, is 730 in the morning sounds good to you?"

"...730?"

"you see, im jetlagged. so, 730 suits me well."

"well, of course. no problem. see you tomorrow, greg. thanks for the call"

"alright, amalina. remember, 730 SHARP (he did emphasize on it). in the morning. okay, bye."

uh-oh. he seems/sounds tough, doesnt he. but no worry, though. its just a get together thingy. where theyll give me the letter, etc. and i need to give them an answer.

if i go, and still be feeling unsure, will it do me any good?
pray for me, will ya?

xx

Jan 24, 2010
where is the good in goodbye?

hey :)

things have been pretty mixed up (so far). what i mean is, all the emotions are just there. happy, sad, exciting, confused, thrilling, screwed, you name it. lets say, if, if i got accepted into my dream school (which ive been dying for ever since i was a sophomore) which is thousands of miles away from home, would i be stupid to not accept the offer?
i dont know what to think. i dont even know what to think.
it is because some lil parts of me want to stay even though most of me want to go- far away from here.
time is getting shorter and i need to give an answer.
but
haha well. i did mention 'if'. yea. if only there is an 'if'.
i wont lie, i am happy. i feel blessed. syukur alhamdulillah for that but at some point, i feel hesitated. which sucks because im back to the feeling of indecissiveness.
what holding me back is this very special person. who has always been there no matter what. and when.
he might not be everything that i dream of. :) sometimes, not even close to what i expect but gosh, i just cant leave him or be without him. perhaps this is what they mean by 'two souls that are connected together'.
and i know, he needs me.
im not saying that im some kind of a guardian angel or feeling like i need to watch over him.
it is just we've been together for so long and i just know, we have to stay (close) with each other.
however,
the thing about me is,
ive always wanted to leave everything, everyone behind and then, have a fresh start. if possible, a new identity or something haha. people who dont know me well enough, or very well, have no idea what ive gone through. sure, i smile all the time and try to be all bubbly and chirpy but, i bet nobody would believe me if i told them ive been depressed and suicidal all along. i break easily. and i have things the hard way. i have trust issue due to some interesting events in my life that seem to be somewhat recurring over time.
tell me,
how can a girl, who is being told she is stupid and useless and a failure over and over even before she knew the meaning of all the hurtful words, make it through her life without feeling even a little sense of self-worth?
and how can this very girl learn to appreciate everything, everyone, when she is being treated like one hella punch bag?
but, somehow she's been alright.
:)
i am blessed with -which i take pride in- inner strength, patience, and good companions.
and one of them is, him.
im extremely independent. he teaches me that it is okay to receive help from others.
im somewhat negative. he tells me that life is not that bad.
im pretty critical. he looks into my eyes and says, "youre the most beautiful maiden. ever."
im broken. he fixes me.
of all the bad things that have happened between us,
there are still a lot of things that i am thankful for.
and that is why,
i still have no idea.
some people asked me, whats the big deal anyway? youll be back after 4, 5years, and you guys will be together again.
thats the thing. what if it doesnt work that way.
i just want to be happy. and i want the people that i care, to be happy too.

gnight xx

Jan 14, 2010
ay ayudame

guys are asses.
indeed.
oh well,
who needs trust and security and understanding and all those bitchin stuff when
all you need is love.
fucker im not smiling.
you, misterrr, have successfully proved that,
-my theory of change in guys is most unlikely to occur-
to be almost correct!
at least thats something fo me to celebrate.

so yeah,
yayy lets opa!

listen.
yea weve been thru all that fairytale stuff,
and also the bad stuff.
so another bad stuff,
what the hell, aite.

go on and make me break again.
i promise you fo the utmost time,
i dont even care.

see ya dont wanna be yaaaa!

Jan 10, 2010
comrade, love bite(s), bollyaerobicwood, night-jay-walkin', sailor chibi moon, air kolah

to conclude: i spent my 3-day weekend with them comrade mates (family aww) at sungai congkak for an induction course. we stayed at a cabin with bunkbeds and a lightbulb. yep, uno lightbulb. no fan. extremely stuffy. 34 girls.
C.O.M.R.A.D.E = community research for orang asli development.
its a club that delivers dakwah to the orang asli around pahang, ganu, and peghak.
http://comradeuiam.blogspot.com/ - :)

okay. so day 1:

we arrived at the camp site like 7pm and we went directly to our cabins.
two cabins for the girls, a chalet for the guys (there were only 5 male participants. -WWE, please preserve and save the male species from mass extinction hehe)
so after we chose our beds and everything, we went straight away to the 'hall'. more like a gathering area. but it was cool :)
maghrib and dinner with nasi kawah: 5people per tray. it was something else for me but i did not eat though. cuz i just couldnt. but it was no biggie.
then, isha' and yadayadayada,
icebreakin session.
haha okay im not really in a mood to write a memory piece. not as thorough and detailed like this.
lets just go straight away to the awesome stuff.
1. ive got bitten by mosquitoes T_T *hehe magic bite popcorn at kuching's mbo, the spring*. so my hands are all itchy and my cheeks, too!
2. bro jali was awesome. i think i like him. not like, like but he was being supercool with the facilitating part. our work out session was funny as hell marilah bergoyang gelek gerudi haha
3. oh yea. imma sailormoon haiyak. dont ask.
4. i love to bathe. so much that idiotically, i took my bath at least 3times a day there. and oh, i love cold water so it was heaven for me taking bath with the air kolah. which only on the very last day i knew that the water comes directly from the river. so yeah. freezy hair and rashes.
but still, cool.
5. we had a somewhat paranormal/adventurous activity: a night walk in the woods. it was on day2 and we started out "self-confident" session at 12midnite. and i cried cuz i heard weird noises and saw hantu pocong. course, brilliantly acted by them brothers. that would be my first and last time jungle-trekking at night.

our next plan is to go to a kampung in peghak. kampung husin, i think, -for a homestay. i'd love to go but ive got midterms :/ and i miss home mucho mas.
btw,
i have exams all day next week. bummmmmerrr.
monday: socio
tuesday: eng, science of quran
wednesday: revelation
thursday: abnormal psyc
okay girly, go go study haiyak haha
stanford kan.
stengfotttttttt.

bye-o

xxxx

Jan 6, 2010
well...

its been good :)
thanks. sorry. gbye xx

Jan 2, 2010
life is simple. there is today. and there is tomorrow. unless you can rewind time, stop thinking about yesterday

so i did some (deep and critical) thinking.
damn. what a bitch.
im sorry that ive been treating you like hell. im sorry im still lost in the long-gone pluto.
SORRY.
and i mean my sorry now.
i love you and i can always learn to love you more.
hope we're cool.

if i were to list down things that i would loooove to fix, it would still be super duper uber sucks because *wake up, sista!* theyre aint gonna be happenin anyway.

what i ought to do know is chin up and keep on walking. and walking.
as for a headstart,
another essay! :)
stanford. hah.
well,
inshaallah. its just a mere step away.
i must say,
i feel blessed :)
at least certain things are on my side now.
hmm. scratch that. i think everything is on my side now.
believing is seeing, not the otherwise.

so shoo tears and worries.
i dont need you no mo.

happy sunday, enjoy it while it lasts.
:)

xo

Jan 1, 2010
rants and rambles

hehe ive got my writing boost, baby!

ive started my 2nd sem here in iium (sometimes it sounds cooler when you say iium instead of uia because umm... it sounds more international? lol. the fuck. so anyway...) last december. things have been pretty good so far :) alhamdulillah for that.
im talking about academic-wise, though. haha. say what. classes have been cool and all that- i hope i'll be able to breeze em all. i am now taking abnormal psychology, intro to sociology, arabic 2, revelation as the source of knowledge, science of quran, english for occupational purposes, and halaqah 2.
haha no no. im not taking a course to become an ustazah. people often think how radical iium seems to be. i think its just alright :) i kinda like it here.
when i was in the states, there were a lot of things that i didnt know. so yeah. you can tell how grateful am i to become an iium-ian. eceh. haha. inshaallah. im calmer and happier here :)
other than that, im planning on majoring in clinical psychology. and ive been doing some calculations hehe so ive like 3years of undergraduate + 1.5years of postgrad + 3years of doctorate = a psychologist at 28. bila nak kawen haha. jk!
and ohh. im minoring in political science, too hehe who knows i might fall into my plan B of becoming a diplomat :p
so yadayadayada. thats how my study seem to be like so far.
lets talk bout boys.
i must say that guys scare the hell outta me. i dont know why. especially those who are coming a lil bit too strong. theres this afghan guy, Z, who thinks he can buy me. hee. menakutkan.
and theres this sweet average-joe, H, who never stop talking sweet. aww. but sorry. no.
i prefer somebody that is worth the competition. a real catch.
oh wait. i have one. haha. dah dah belajar, then tido.

night xo

nuevo

!hola! escribo en espanol lah k :p jaja.

anyway :)
so ive erased (ehe, deleted) all the previous posts.
i hate memories. ive had so much, and theyre bringing me down. not that im regretting but oh well. im only human. i think a fresh start is needed. pronto.
so here goes :)
hello 2010.
i hope youll be nice to me. please o please.
this year, i want to be a better person.
i want to love more. i want to study hard and pray even harder.
i have so much to offer :) believe me.
i dream big. i actually plan for this year.
so please.
you better do me good :)
adios y hasta pronto :)