mali:afterparty

Aug 25, 2010

the matter of bubkes

at times like this, i always wonder,

what if this was just a dream.

something that was actually nothing as soon as i woke up.

i know,

i should really stop being such a kvetch by now- or long time ago.

the truth is, i cant handle this. im such a wreck. im very much shattered.

but it helps a lot to even have a little hope and believe inside of me.

i thank you to all the lovely companies that have my back.

that are always there for every tumble and rumble that ive been having.

thank you.

and thank you.

someone told me,

allah wont be testing us the test that we cant handle.

:) that gives me a reason to smile.

inshallah,

patience is virtue.

perhaps, my real happiness is not yet to come.

apa yang penting sebenarnya?

haha i honestly dont know. all of us do have our very own bull's eye(s), right?

i just want to be happy. how happy? i dont know.

my fondest memory of being truly happy was a childhood one.

i was in my nek's kitchen, learning how to make the perfect dough for her infamous karipaps that she was selling around the kampung. we woke up at 4am. well, i woke up like 3am because of my uber-exicetement haha poor my lil old nenek.

so she pretty much did everything but i had so much fun :) and the only other person who can make the best karipap like my nek's is me :P

betuuuul! haha aww i feel like crying now.

i miss nenek so much.

i love you.

lets think about this,

we spend a lot of our time wondering about what path to take in our lives. but sometimes, you dont really have to worry about the big decisions. at times, these decisions are made for you- and that whatever happens is always for the best.

and perhaps,

it's time for me to pack my things up once again

and start back. once again.

i blew stanford- which, was very very stupid haha but my reason was fair enough.

i'll try again :) wish me luck, por favor.

and perhaps, it's for the best.

i say goodbye one too many times.

another one wont hurt that much.

hasta luego

Aug 20, 2010

"im engaged!", she screamed in her most overly-excited, high-pitched yet a little husky (shows too overjoyed with the good news) voice. and i went

aww so in love,
so full of love.
i wish i could still feel like one.
:)
im loved, i know.
i might not know who but there's somebody out there
that ought to love me.
haha creepy much? i dont mean it in the sense of getting stalked or anything like that.
i just wish,
really really wish,
that i could feel the love.
so that i could share my amorous momento.
well
it's no longer fear. it's pain. and i very much want to avoid that.
ive fallen for jerks and asses.
jerks and asses are what seem to be coming in and out, and still be sticking around me.
the truth is,
we eventually are able to forget all the bad things that happened to us but then, we remember.
that's when it sucked.
that's when you'd feel that everything ahead of you is nothing but recurring taunted past.
i'd love to give myself another try but i guess i think of things too much.
haha yea?
try being me then.
i need to be fixed.
and there's a thin line, huge gap between damaged and broken.
im number 2: repairment is such a waste and definitely not an option.
i do miss having someone that becomes a part of me- i really do
but ive been alright, havent i?

nevertheless,
spread the love :)

x

Aug 14, 2010

only one

i miss you. i really do.
though you wouldnt think so hehe
im sorry for all the things that have made us like this- apart, longing, distant...
i wish for the time to be turned back. know what would i do back then?
i would tell you how much it hurts for every little lies that you tell. so that you would stop lying to me. so that you know, like you do now.
and i would tell you how insensitive you were, so that you would treat me with respect, like you do now.
i'd also let you know that i break easily, so that you would take a very good care of me. like you do now.

i know,
i have it all now but i cant feel anything.
:( it's too late.
if only you knew what you know.
it breaks my heart for every time youre trying so hard to make me happy.
proving that youve changed, that my happiness is much more important than yours.

the greatest paradox ever?
to love someone so much that it hurts,
the pain wont be a matter,
it's love that you'd feel.

i love you. i always do.
my heart is yours, and i know that yours is mine, too.

it's hard, haha
you push me away but then, you're the one who drag me back to the very same spot.
you're the reason.

you
are
the
only
exception.

hey, beyk :) wait for me.
till we meet again,
x

Aug 6, 2010

home = heart

... and i dont even know where is mine.
haha
yea, it's that bad.
i thought this would be easy,
that i would be strong enough to face every possibility, as well as impossibility,
and i thought,
ive found home. my home.
i never did, actually.

im angry
im sad

hoo boy. acting as if nothing happens and having the courage to put up a smile are tiring.
but i guess,
im pretty good at it.
and it does make everything worthwhile.

i dont even know who my true self really is.

have you ever thought of going away to somewhere else that is far from your current bitter reality,
and starting fresh?
new environment, new surrounding, a new identity, por favor!

i have.
all the time.

remember,
you guys are lucky :)
you wouldnt want to be me.

xo

Aug 1, 2010

hey hey hey

i very much want to write, i swear, i was agitated to log in blogger! haha
yea, i was.
but now i dont feel like writing :P

till then,
x


hey :) the name is amalina but im cool with mali. or whatever nice. im pretty laid-back. im never serious. haha well yea so get annoyed. im a kid at heart, maybe a hippie too. talk to me. get to know me. only then you can judge me. :) roar! facebook me! lala effy isya thirah ieka momoi meeza effa buddy nazia aizat irfan fara amy kak izzat syasya ryehan sabrina lia yesterdays January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011	Aug 25, 2010 the matter of bubkes at times like this, i always wonder, what if this was just a dream. something that was actually nothing as soon as i woke up. i know, i should really stop being such a kvetch by now- or long time ago. the truth is, i cant handle this. im such a wreck. im very much shattered. but it helps a lot to even have a little hope and believe inside of me. i thank you to all the lovely companies that have my back. that are always there for every tumble and rumble that ive been having. thank you. and thank you. someone told me, allah wont be testing us the test that we cant handle. :) that gives me a reason to smile. inshallah, patience is virtue. perhaps, my real happiness is not yet to come. apa yang penting sebenarnya? haha i honestly dont know. all of us do have our very own bull's eye(s), right? i just want to be happy. how happy? i dont know. my fondest memory of being truly happy was a childhood one. i was in my nek's kitchen, learning how to make the perfect dough for her infamous karipaps that she was selling around the kampung. we woke up at 4am. well, i woke up like 3am because of my uber-exicetement haha poor my lil old nenek. so she pretty much did everything but i had so much fun :) and the only other person who can make the best karipap like my nek's is me :P betuuuul! haha aww i feel like crying now. i miss nenek so much. i love you. lets think about this, we spend a lot of our time wondering about what path to take in our lives. but sometimes, you dont really have to worry about the big decisions. at times, these decisions are made for you- and that whatever happens is always for the best. and perhaps, it's time for me to pack my things up once again and start back. once again. i blew stanford- which, was very very stupid haha but my reason was fair enough. i'll try again :) wish me luck, por favor. and perhaps, it's for the best. i say goodbye one too many times. another one wont hurt that much. hasta luego xo 01:32 · Aug 20, 2010 "im engaged!", she screamed in her most overly-excited, high-pitched yet a little husky (shows too overjoyed with the good news) voice. and i went aww so in love, so full of love. i wish i could still feel like one. :) im loved, i know. i might not know who but there's somebody out there that ought to love me. haha creepy much? i dont mean it in the sense of getting stalked or anything like that. i just wish, really really wish, that i could feel the love. so that i could share my amorous momento. well it's no longer fear. it's pain. and i very much want to avoid that. ive fallen for jerks and asses. jerks and asses are what seem to be coming in and out, and still be sticking around me. the truth is, we eventually are able to forget all the bad things that happened to us but then, we remember. that's when it sucked. that's when you'd feel that everything ahead of you is nothing but recurring taunted past. i'd love to give myself another try but i guess i think of things too much. haha yea? try being me then. i need to be fixed. and there's a thin line, huge gap between damaged and broken. im number 2: repairment is such a waste and definitely not an option. i do miss having someone that becomes a part of me- i really do but ive been alright, havent i? nevertheless, spread the love :) x 15:00 · Aug 14, 2010 only one i miss you. i really do. though you wouldnt think so hehe im sorry for all the things that have made us like this- apart, longing, distant... i wish for the time to be turned back. know what would i do back then? i would tell you how much it hurts for every little lies that you tell. so that you would stop lying to me. so that you know, like you do now. and i would tell you how insensitive you were, so that you would treat me with respect, like you do now. i'd also let you know that i break easily, so that you would take a very good care of me. like you do now. i know, i have it all now but i cant feel anything. :( it's too late. if only you knew what you know. it breaks my heart for every time youre trying so hard to make me happy. proving that youve changed, that my happiness is much more important than yours. the greatest paradox ever? to love someone so much that it hurts, the pain wont be a matter, it's love that you'd feel. i love you. i always do. my heart is yours, and i know that yours is mine, too. it's hard, haha you push me away but then, you're the one who drag me back to the very same spot. you're the reason. you are the only exception. hey, beyk :) wait for me. till we meet again, x 17:24 · Aug 6, 2010 home = heart ... and i dont even know where is mine. haha yea, it's that bad. i thought this would be easy, that i would be strong enough to face every possibility, as well as impossibility, and i thought, ive found home. my home. i never did, actually. im angry im sad hoo boy. acting as if nothing happens and having the courage to put up a smile are tiring. but i guess, im pretty good at it. and it does make everything worthwhile. i dont even know who my true self really is. have you ever thought of going away to somewhere else that is far from your current bitter reality, and starting fresh? new environment, new surrounding, a new identity, por favor! i have. all the time. remember, you guys are lucky :) you wouldnt want to be me. xo 04:22 · Aug 1, 2010 hey hey hey i very much want to write, i swear, i was agitated to log in blogger! haha yea, i was. but now i dont feel like writing :P till then, x 03:14 ·